Lisa Batten Kunkleman
If a horse named Mojo reared up like a wild bronco with a twenty-something man in the saddle, would you expect a fiftyish woman to get into that same saddle? My first clue to keep my feet on the ground should have been the extra twenty pounds I had to lift to get into the saddle at all. At my age, just because I could get my foot up to the stirrup on this extremely tall horse didn’t mean I should. As my kids and I sought a safe and friendly companion for our lonely mare whose field mate recently died, I had to test ride all contenders my horse dealing friends brought for us to test drive, I mean test ride.
After the horse experts changed the bit that was probably hurting Mojo’s teeth and causing the bucking action, I got on his brown and white speckled back and assumed the bucking was history. His pouty pink bottom lip and shaggy winter coat gave him a cuddly, gentle look. He didn’t flinch when I mounted and he walked with my slightest heeltap. Perfect. We rode around the pasture and bypassed two pokey riders. Approaching a mucky place ahead, I guided Mojo off the trail and through the trees to stay on drier ground. That was a bad plan. I realize now it wasn’t a bad bit, it was the tooth pain any bit caused when the reins pulled sideways to make turns. Mojo needed a horsey dentist to fix a bad tooth. Guess we learned that a little late.
As I turned him left, he headed for the open gate toward the barn and my pulling back on the reins just made it worse. He wasn’t slowed one bit, no pun intended, by my five-syllable southern “Whoa” either. I was determined he wouldn’t take me into the barn and whack my head on the doorframe so I pulled back harder and he bucked higher.
I thought about jumping off but couldn’t decide how to do it safely, so I flopped around the saddle like a drunk girl on a mechanical bull in a B-rate movie. Since the bucking ride didn’t stop, I gave in to gravity, which pulled me off to the left. I aimed for ground as far away from Mojo as possible in case he didn’t stop his tantrum. The damp ground met my left knee and hip, and I caught myself with my left arm. Man, was that a jarring feeling. There was a shock going from my back up into the base of my head followed by a tingle like I’ve never experienced. Mojo calmed immediately and stood there like a big dog with a saddle, looking sweet and innocent.
Since my young adult kids were yelling for my medical stats, I stood up and walked toward them. Channeling my best John Wayne swagger and attitude, I said, “I lost my Mojo.” Then, “He didn’t like that bit even a little bit.”
They all laughed, except my oldest daughter, Danielle. They even said my fall was pretty graceful. It would have been worse if I stiffened before hitting the ground. Danielle was unimpressed with my gracefulness.
She said through tight teeth and with misty eyes, “I bet you never had to watch your mother get bucked off a horse! It was horrible. I thought you’d die.”
I didn’t tell her I thought the same thing. We just had a nice long hug. “You’re right, I haven’t. I’m sorry I scared you. I scared me too,” I said.
My middle-aged horsewoman buddy, Pam, who has been thrown many times, led me to sit on a log with her to watch the kids ride the safer horses. She whispered, “You need to fill the tub with hot water and soak in Epsom Salt cause we don’t bounce back like we used to. One good thing about being over fifty is, if you fall off a horse, you know that rule about getting back up there? We don’t have to do that anymore.”
Twenty-four hours later, after a muscle relaxer-induced sleep that lasted till lunchtime, I’m sporting a messed up shoulder, a scraped wrist, and a rainbow-colored knee. Perhaps I should start acting my age but I feel more like Evil Kneivel than Poor, Pitiful Pearl. I won’t get back on Mojo, but I’ll definitely get back in the saddle and I plan to stay seated next time. I may be sore but it was worth it all to see the photo my daughter’s boyfriend snapped as I was flung off Mojo. I’ll probably frame that one for the mantle. I could have injured a shoulder falling down at home just carrying a laundry basket or I could have been thrown off a horse at the ripe young age of fifty-two. I know that just because I used-a-could, doesn’t mean I should, but since I survived the incident, I sure am glad I did. We’ve got more potential horse pets to test in a couple of weeks. Guess like the old song says, I know I’ll be, “Back in the Saddle Again.”
(This incident happened several years ago and we did find a cute white-faced horse buddy for our mare. I’m pretty sure this event helped age me more than I knew at the time. Especially my left knee. And about that back in the saddle thing, maybe once in awhile but the swagger is definitely gone. I’ve turned the riding over to the younger generation. But not with a horse named Mojo.)
February 23, 2017 at 12:50 am
I’m glad you survived too, Lisa! That could have been bad…real bad. At my age, I think I’d stick with a Shetland pony. 🙂
February 23, 2017 at 1:20 am
Not a bad suggestion. And congratulations on your book. I look forward to reading it.
February 23, 2017 at 12:09 pm
Thank you, Lisa. <3
February 23, 2017 at 2:42 am
Your daughters boyfriend was quick with the camera to get that shot! Glad you survived the fall.
February 23, 2017 at 2:46 am
Yes he was. I’m proud to say that now he’s my son-in-law. He was a keeper. Thanks
February 23, 2017 at 8:25 pm
Anybody who has never been thrown from a horse has never been on very many times.
February 24, 2017 at 2:24 am
Very true. My first time was as a kid when my saddle wasn’t tight enough and it and I slid under the horse on my granddaddy John Wesley Batten’s farm. You may remember the Battens across the marsh. (Whitemarsh community) Luckily he didn’t drop me into the “snakes” bid drainage ditch. Thanks for reading.
February 25, 2017 at 1:50 am
The old adage about shaking it off and getting back in the saddle sounds very clever, but sometimes, it’s a sign of wisdom to turn the riding over to our more limber friends and family.
This was a great story Lisa, and glad to recounted it for us. Makes me happy I’ve chosen to give up on a few (but my wife would say not nearly enough) of my more endangering habits.
By the way… You still have your Mojo 😉
February 25, 2017 at 3:12 am
Thanks so much for the kind encouragement. It means a lot to hear that I still have my mojo. Ha
February 26, 2017 at 4:21 am
What a great story (and picture)! You sure had an adventure.
February 27, 2017 at 12:58 am
Love this story, I mean sorry you got banged up, but glad it wasn’t more serious. Just love your attitude about it 🙂
April 1, 2017 at 3:16 am
Oh my you are hilarious. “I lost my Mojo” that’s funny! I’m so glad you were not more seriously hurt. I feel off a horse once, when I was a senior in high school we went to Jamaica for our class trip and we went horseback riding in the mountains. Well it was fine until they decided to start trotting along the slopes and the horses began sweating which caused the saddle to start sliding from side to side…then they started to gallop and right over the side I went. The outside of my upper thigh landed on a nice big rock and I had a huge bruise to boast about. I’m not a horse rider so I wasn’t that experienced, I tried to fall off as gracefully as I could cuz I could feel me sliding off to one side, but when your galloping it’s kind of hard. Darn, that we don’t bounce back like we used to!! C’est la vie. Another great story Lisa!!
April 1, 2017 at 3:21 am
Gee thanks. Oo I know about slippery saddles. Glad you survived that one. Bruises make great stories. Appreciate the compliments. Btw I love your title. Hot flashes are my world.
April 1, 2017 at 3:25 am
Thank you! Yes bruises can lead to embellishing in the best of ways of course! 🙂 Thanks I love fairy tales but not hot flashes but the combo seemed fun. Yeah hot flashes are my world right now too…phew! Well I’m off to bed, so nice chatting with you tonight and reading some of your stories. Looking forward to sharing many more!! Sweet dreams. xo
April 1, 2017 at 3:26 am
And the same to you. Goodnight.
April 3, 2017 at 12:17 pm
That photo is priceless. I hope it is framed and hanging somewhere in good view. There is no photographic evidence of my unexpected backwards somersault out of a director’s chair. But I’m told that the vision is burned into everyone else’s memory. Great story.
April 3, 2017 at 1:26 pm
I can picture your back flip pretty well myself. Thanks for sharing. And for reading. Yep. I’ll be looking for your pieces too.
April 3, 2017 at 3:58 pm
And you’re right about the frame. I should print it out and do that. It’s so easy to leave photos in our phones and computers these days.