There’s Something Wrong With Chewing A Smoothie


By Lisa Batten Kunkleman

There’s something wrong with chewing a smoothie. It means you’re a smoothie novice, not a smoothie king. The green concoction on my desk started out liquid, sort of. I’m not sure I want to finish off the healthy green blob in the bottom of my plastic tumbler. Maybe I added too much kale with the blueberries in my mad scientist attempt to make the ugliest cholesterol fixer-upper possible. Or perhaps the hemp and the chia seeds formed a jello commune. My nutritionist said chia seeds need special treatment but I zoned out and missed the details.

I think this ugly smoothie calls for a spoon. I tried tilting the tumbler and the blob fell on my top lip and almost went up my nose. Yuck! Who wants a green blob going up their nose? Drinking a strange potion can be difficult enough but even an ugly drink should resemble a liquid.

I poked it with my straw and it’s more solid than a jello jiggler. I can’t do it. It looks like something my cat leaves me for a gift. I’ll make a fresh one for lunch or better yet, use a fork to eat my kale in a salad, topped with seeds, nuts, and my newest fun food, gogi berries. That sure sounds more appetizing than chewing on a solid green smoothie.

8 thoughts on “There’s Something Wrong With Chewing A Smoothie

  1. I would be happy to try an Oreo double stuff smoothie the next time you are experimenting.

    • Somehow I think we are working in different directions on this thing called cholesterol. I think of Oreos as “The Anti-Cholesterol” and I don’t mean that in a positive way. But who knows. Maybe the kale would cancel out the cream filling and the blackness of the cookies would hide the kale and you’d never suspect it was in there. Maybe you’ve got an idea sparking here.

  2. eeeuuuuu! I totally felt your disgust with this! Don’t give up on the smoothies….but DO give up the “chunkies” ha ha!

  3. Hi Jen. It is disgusting isn’t it. Believe me, it had nowhere to go but up in the improvement department and it did. I’ve graduated to smooth smoothies and hope to share photos to prove it. More almond milk and water, less kale and chia made a huge difference. Sometimes I even say, “Yum.”

  4. Okay, you made me laugh! I enjoy a good smoothie but hubby hates the “green” ones! I do try not to blob them up, though! LOL!

  5. Oh no, that looks like every blender’s nightmare! I say it’s time to break out the ice cream to smooth things out. It’s the one fool-proof ingredient that always seems to work out well. 😉

    • Ooo ice cream would be fabulous. I’m thinking it might defeat my purpose here in fix cholesterol land but hey. It’s worth thinking about. Rice dream maybe.

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